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Professional counseling and self-help programs can be a big help when you need to change your expectations of the relationships you are in.
If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. He also feels as if you should be thanking him for allowing you to do things for him.
Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared: your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return.
If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. When you do go out, it is to an event that HE chooses.
You may not feel like going to a movie, but it is what he wants to do, for example.
He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. If you have just lost a job, or if you are experiencing normal hormonal reactions, this is the time he will strike.
The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He wants you to feel as if life is not worth living without him.
He may, or may not, but he is not supportive either way. In the previous example, the “please” was left out intentionally. He will not say “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “please” or even “excuse me” to you.
“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. It is because he is expecting you to comply with his requests.
The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you? Belittling your self-confidence can be have very serious consequences.
” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. Making you feel as if you are worthless without him, the controlling boyfriend will prey on times that you may be stressed the most.
Unfortunately, love is not everything to some people. The world we live in may be a reason to become paranoid of strangers, and suspicious of our own family, at times.